What to do if You’re Bitten by a Zombie

When you think about the impending zombie apocalypse, one of the most important questions to ask yourself is, “What will I do if I get bitten?” The first thing that comes to mind is a quote from one of my favorite childhood movies, Mom and Dad Save the World: “Shoot yourself in the head…nowwwww!” It’s funnier when Jon Lovitz says it, but that’s the question on everyone’s mind. Should you “take care” of yourself, or should you stick around and wander the earth as one of the undead?

Basically, if you’re bitten, you have three options. None of them are pretty, but once the zombies invade, nothing is going to be pretty. If you’re unfortunate enough to be bitten by a zombie, these are your options.


One: If you happen to be bitten on your hand, foot, or finger, you could cut off the infected extremity (if you’re tough enough). You could always enlist a buddy to cut off the bitten area. Rick Grimes was kind enough to hack off Hershel’s lower leg with an axe – that’s true friendship. However, if you’re not lucky enough to have a friend nearby, you might have to take matters into your own hands. If you want to cut off the infected area, you’ll have to work quickly to keep the infection from spreading to the rest of your body. I found a great video with information on how to cut off your own arm to save your life. Be ye warned: there are graphic descriptions in this video.


Two: If you’re bitten somewhere that can’t be cut off, like your back or stomach, you won’t have the option of severing the infected area. You’re faced with a much more difficult decision: will you destroy your own brain before you become a zombie? Obviously, it would take an immense amount of courage to off yourself, but most people would choose suicide over becoming one of the walking dead. If you have a friend or family member with you, they might be willing to help you out with this. “The Code,” as they refer to it in The Walking Dead, is that you never let a loved one become a zombie. I think most people get married these days just so they’ll have someone to destroy their brain if they’re bitten by one of the undead. It was my main reason for getting hitched!

zombie bite

Three: If you don’t have the guts to cut off the infected area or destroy your brain, then you can choose to join the ranks of the undead. This option is my favorite because I’m a firm believer that zombies are people too. Sure, they don’t have critical thinking skills, and they reek of death, but it doesn’t seem to bother them. The humans are the ones who have a terrible time during the zompoc. So if I get bitten by a zombie, I won’t be severing my limbs or putting a gun in my mouth. No, sir! I’ll be hunkering down and waiting for the infection to take over so I can wander the streets with the rest of the zombies. This option isn’t for everyone, but it’s the path of least resistance. So if I’m ever bitten by a zombie, I’ll look forward to feasting on some brainnnnnnnnnnsssssss!!

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