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Things you should be doing now

I know that when the time comes you are ready to be all that you can be against the undead zombie horde. When the apocalypse starts you know exactly where you’ll be. Who you’ll be with, and what you will have on hand. Well we’ve compiled another helpful list of things that the guy next to you should be doing. Yeah you! We know that you think we’re nuts for squirreling away that extra bag of spaceship ice cream. But there will come a day when you won’t have time to laugh cause you’ll be running. Though these things won’t decide your ultimate fate. They are things that they could be working on so that they at least have a chance to run to your house.

Working the hell out- We aren’t talking about those of you who are training to be a marathon or you work out 4 out of 6 days a week. We mean those of you who get winded going to your kitchen. There is no excuse to not be ready to haul ass once the Zombies show up. “What if I have issues?” We accept and appreciate that there are extenuating circumstances. However, the zombies don’t. You need to be working on the physical strengths you do have so that they can offset what you don’t. If you aren’t a very fast, you need to be working on your upper body strength. If you can’t run you’ll have to start swinging! You are not going to be able to swing a sword, a bat, a chain or your next door neighbor if you can’t lift it. Upper, lower, core, whatever it is that you have left to train, get to it! Don’t worry about the skinny bitches on the side of the track making fun of you. Ignore them, they don’t matter. Just know that they will taste like free range chicken to Zombies. You don’t have to be fast, you just have to be faster and smarter than them.

Hiking and Camping- There is never a bad day to test out your survival skills. What’s more you can practice them without the getting weird looks from your next door neighbor. Even getting the basics down will get your confidence up in your ability to survive without Netflix for one or several nights. You will also realize how easy it is to live with less. Right, we understand, no one wants to live without their 80 inch flat screen. But in the Zombie world you know what they call those? That’s right plates.

Martial Arts- After you have finished spraying and praying you will have to have something else to bring to the table. Martial Arts are not only good for weaponless combat it will teach you valuable lessons about self-defense and body mechanics. You’ll learn how to fall without breaking your hip. You’ll learn not to overextend when punching a human bandit in the face. You will learn just how much power you truly are carrying around in just your wittle hands. Don’t be afraid. It won’t hurt… much.

Cooking classes- I know that this seems like something that should be on the bottom of anyone’s list, but believe me it’s not. Eventually your microwave is going to stop working. You will be left with no gas, no electricity, and a couple of empty mouths to feed. You need to know how to start a fire, and cook over an open flame or charcoal. Let’s say that you’re vegetarian, vegan, fruitiest, or whatever the hell it is that keeps you from enjoying a steak. It doesn’t matter. Cooking is one of the things that even with just the basics you can make life on the road or in your hidey hole much more enjoyable. For those of you who think you are just going to hunt and live off the land. Are you expecting that wild pig to turn itself into porkchops once you skin it? If you are only stocking things that will need hot water that’s fine, but if you can’t boil the hot water…

Gardening- If you are stuck somewhere for a while, or you know that you are just going to wait the first 6 months of the apocalypse out you need to be reading up on urban gardens. Even if you have a whole plantation worth of land that you have built electric fences around. You need to be learning how to garden. This option is not only viable for when the apocalypse has ended, it can be done literally anywhere that you have space. Rain gutters, walls, window sills, roof tops. Easy irrigation systems utilizing rain water can be yours with PVC pipe and a little time.

First aid- Yeah you see a paper cut, and I see a massive infection waiting to happen. In a world, where bleach and gel alcohol will no longer be manufactured you will need to stock up on those things. If you didn’t then you will need to take some first aid courses. These course will not only save your life, but will save the life of your friend. The same friend who is slowing you down because they need a splint. Remember you see cut, we see gout.

Zombie blogs and events- Nothing is truly going to prepare you for that fateful day, but you can get some practice in at various zombie runs and other events. Stay current on what the FDA is doing. They may have a zombie training event. There may be a zombie run, it’ll simulate you getting away. The world is practically oozing with private zombie training camps. Join a zombie community and see what’s going on. Log on to Zombie Guide Magazine every day and learn what you can do better. (That’s right, besides tell you what you should be doing with you apocalypse life we do shameless plugs too!) The point is, that there are hundreds of little things that you can do or get your not so prepared friend to do that will slowly but surely whip them into shape!

Tanks and APC’s instead of a shelter

My submission for man crates