Preppers invest large amounts of money in getting their property, family, friends and vehicles ready for any kind of apocalypse. But what they’re basically doing with this, is prepping civilian property for war. You can build a basement shelter, stockpile food, board up windows, build fences and what not all you want. But you’re just building a giant deathtrap for you and your family. All this shelter building will so, is get you stuck wherever you build this. Because lets face it, a fallout shelter might be a safe place from zombies, but neighbors will know about it too. And when hunger strikes, you’re basically sitting in an underground sardine can. You can’t go anywhere without leaving all that hard work behind and even if you can leave, you’re in the same kind of SUV as the rest of the world.
So, why a tank you ask? Well, it may also be an APC (Armored Personnel Carrier). But as long as it has tracks and is heavy as fuck, it will most likely do.
- Civilian vehicles are not made for destruction
An apocalypse means war. Though it’s unlikely that the world and all people living on it will turn on each other, there might still be people who want to harm you. The portrayal of humans as total scumbags in the face of a zombie apocalypse is false. If war has told us anything, it’s that people work together when faced with a common enemy. But when that common enemy keeps growing in numbers and panic ensues, traffic accidents are going to happen. And guess what, no Hummer or Ford F-150 will survive crashing into a T-72 tank. Meaning you’ll be getting to wherever you’re going, and the others won’t. And yes that’s a “commie piece of evil”, but most people can’t afford an M1 Abrams or Leopard 2A6 tank…
- It’s a portable shelter
Why would you build a shelter under or in your house? What’s probably going to happen is you and your family, sitting underground eating rice and beans developing cabin fever, while hundreds of zombies pound on your door. So unless help shows up in time and kills them all, you’ll either go insane or starve to death. With a tank, you can take your shelter wherever you want! Your suburban dream house getting overrun by the undead? Drive into the hills and park it wherever you want! Zombies come knocking on your tank? Put on some ear protection, sleep another two hours and drive away!
- Safely go grocery shopping
You ever read a story about survivors in a zombie apocalypse, who can’t get to that pharmacy safely? Or who can’t get past zombies and get to the grocery store? No worries when you have a tank or APC! Just like a SWAT team, reverse your tank through the wall, open the hatch, shoot zombies, get your shit and drive away. No more running around while evading the undead to get some aspirins. Or coming up with MacGyver like plans to lure the undead the other way, to send in a small Asian dude to steal some condoms…
- Park it where it’s safe
This is a huge selling point for tanks and APC’s. They can reach a lot of places where clumsy, shambling zombies can never get to. You can drive it up a steep hill where the undead would simply be to stiff and uncoordinated to get to. These locations would then make a safe place to sleep, get some air and scout the rest of your environment.
- Stay safe from other humans
Given lots of people own guns, or at least have access to them, these might be used against you during an apocalypse. People might try to use their guns to rob other survivors, stop vehicles and kill people for food. But you have a tank now! They would need an anti-tank weapon to stop you… And that would result in nothing for them to steal and zombies being alarmed and coming their way. So needless to say, tanks keep robbers with .22 Rugers, Glocks and even AR-15’s at a safe distance.
- Communicate with the world
Tanks and APC’s generally have excellent communication equipment on board. Most of the time there are several radio’s and they offer the option of attaching extra antenna’s for maximum coverage. This will allow you to communicate with other survivors wherever you are.
- Be safe from melting nuclear reactors
In case the world really goes to shit and reactors start melting, a lot of tanks and APC’s are safe from radiation danger. Allowing you to escape the area safely and being able to produce kids with the correct number of limbs, might be crucial to survival for the human race!
- You can hide from zombies
Believe it or not, but a tank will actually be pretty efficient at hiding from zombies. As long as everything is closed and the engine isn’t running, you can basically wait out for a few hours until the herd passes. Things might get complicated when you need to take a shit though, but I’m sure you’ll find a way!
Okay those were a few selling points for owning a tank or APC to deal with, well…. Just about any kind of apocalypse! But especially zombies. Now lets address a few concerns someone might have about tanks.
Very good concern, most tanks and APC’s you buy on the civilian market have a radius between 400 and 800 kilometers on one tank of gas (though that tank is HUGE). The initial investment in fueling up might be significant, but fuel during the apocalypse will be free until it goes bad. And by then you should really have found a permanent place to settle.
With cheap and rusty items starting as low as $3000, the more reliable and suitable tanks and APC’s go for $40,000 – $80,000. Compare that to what you would spend to have a fucking bomb shelter build under your house and the pro’s for a tank quickly outweigh the cons. Besides that, try selling your zombie proof house in today’s market. If you ever want to relocate because your neighborhood isn’t what it used to be, or you get a job elsewhere, that bomb shelter isn’t going anywhere. A tank you can just transport there.
- Learning curve
Yes, there will be a learning curve. You’ll have to teach your family and/or friends how to operate and maintain a tank. But if you were to build a shelter, you’d have to teach them to do just as many things. Maintain the generator, water pumps, electricity, safety plan, etc, etc… Also, do you think your kids would rather practice skills and drills while hiding under the dirt, or driving a fucking tank?!
This one might be a real struggle and the reason to go for an APC instead. They’re made for transporting troops, so there’s enough room in there. If you have just a very select group, a tank might do space wise. Unless if you outfit it with racks to transport fuel and other things on the outside.
I didn’t even mention the machine guns and canon a tank is equipped with. Or just the guns or an APC. I don’t think they’re that relevant for an apocalypse and they will also impose a lot of legal issues in several states. I mean a $500 shot with a tank might be awesome to watch, but it’s not very practical if you’re going for headshots… So save the space for tank rounds to store food items, other ammo, water and medical supplies.
I thank you all for reading and I do hope this information is as informative as it’s supposed to be fun to read. Also, I’m not providing any links to companies that sell tanks, that might make this seem very commercial.
Originally posted 2015-04-20 08:31:40.