Rocky Horror Walker Show: Part 1 of 2, or maybe 3

If you ever wondered how the Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack would go if it was about The Walking Dead instead of Intergalactic, transgender, space travel, don’t worry, I’ve got it covered. This is the first seven songs. I’ll get to the rest eventually.

 

It’s a Post-apocalyptic Zombie Show

The whole world’s gone undead
Rick just lays there in bed
In a coma, nearly died
He’s up walking around
No hospital staff found
Doors say don’t dead open inside
When he goes outdoors
Bodies litter the floors
God damn, this hospital really blows
Hey there’s a half a chick
Rick is kind of a prick
He steals her bike and off he goes

Heads to his house (ooh ooh ooh) No wife or son
Gets knocked out (ooh oooh ooh) By Duane and Morgan
Then he’s back in bed (ooh ooh ooh) In Morgan’s house
They’re in there hiding (ooh ooh ooh) From Morgan’s dead spouse
Now we all know- oh oh
It’s a post-apocalyptic zombie show

Rick was the local po-po
To his station they go
To clean up and grab the gun cache
Atlanta’s a safe-zone
Rick heads off there alone
But promises that he’ll call everyday
Runs out of gas, of course
Grabs dead guy’s horse
Owner committed suicide
Gets to the city
Situation shitty
Hides in a tank cuz zombies ate his ride
Poor horse

But Rick is saved (ooh ooh ooh) By an Asian
We meet Merle (ooh ooh ooh) Methed-out Caucasian
Other survivors (ooh ooh ooh) Introduced now
Andrea, T-Dog (ooh ooh ooh) The rest, zombie chow
They’ve got to go oh oh
It’s a post-apocalyptic zombie show
Merle’s Daryl’s bro oh oh oh oh
On this post-apocalyptic zombie show
They leave him, though Wo oh oh oh
On the post-apocalyptic zombie show
Rick’s wife’s a ho oh no oh no
It’s a slightly, soap opera-ish zombie show

Whorey Lori

Shane: Hey, Lori
Lori: Yes, Shane
Shane: Gotta tell you sumpin’
Lori: Uh huh
Shane: I like how you’re my… lil dumplin’
Your husband just died
You down with humpin’?
Lori: Oh… oh Shane
Shane: Being single was starting to bore me
Lori
In this AMC zombie story
Lori
On the show there will be more me
Lori
Got sumpin’ to say, and that’s
Whorey Lori loves to screw
I’m keeping you and Carl for me
Lori
It’s a good thing that you both adore me
Lori
And you two both bought my bullshit story
Lori
Got sumpin’ to say, and that’s
Whorey Lori loves to screw
Don’t like your face so could you turn over?
The back of your head suits me well
Though your body’s mediocre
Oh L-O-O-R-E shit I can’t spell
Lori: Go as hard as you want I feel no pain
Oh Shane
Vaginal sex just feels so plain
Oh Shane
Since I banged all those donkeys for cocaine
Oh Shane
Are you sure that you’re in there
Shane, I’m sayin’, can’t feel you
Oh Shane
Shane: Oh whorey
Lori: Don’t strain
Shane: Oh Lori
Lori: You done?
Shane: I’ll try my gu-u-un
Shane and Lori: That sounds like lots of fun, a ton
Shane: We can fit a bunch of stuff up your V
Lori
It’s like a big stinky back-pack for me
Lori
We do have a lot of things to store, see
Lori
Got sumpin’ to say, and that’s
Whorey Lori loves to screw
Whorey Lori
Lori: Oh Shane, nice vein
Shane: Whorey Lori
Shane and Lori: Loves to screw

Intestines

Need to get back to camp
Past the shambling horde
Oh good Lord
The cop has gone nuts
He’s bathing Glenn in zombie guts

Intestines
Wearing them like they’re a necklace
Intestines
Rubbing guts everyplace
Intestines- testines
Try not to get, any blood, in your mouth

Down the street they go
Oh shit, it just started raining
The walkers all know
Rick and Glenn are only feigning
Being undead, being undead

They haul ass
They hop a fence and Rick takes a truck
They haul ass
Glenn nabs a sweet ride, man what luck
They haul ass- haul ass
Glenn can’t turn off the fucking car alarm

It Won’t be Long ‘Til They’re Dead

Get back to camp
Rick finds his tramp
His son is there, too
Have a reunion
They had both thought Rick was dead
Shane left him in I.C.U.

Head to their tents
For sloppy seconds (kick- kick)
Shane’s off, fucking with Ed
Who’s kind of a douchebag
That beats his wife and daughter

It won’t be long ‘til he’s dead
It won’t be long ‘til he’s dead
He’ll get clawed up from the left
And then a bite from the right
They’ll rip flesh from his hips
He won’t put up a fight
Turn away in disgust
When zombies pull out his brain
It won’t be long ‘til he’s dead
It won’t be long ‘til he’s dead

Then we meet Jim
Don’t get too used to him
Chances are real slim
We’ll see this guy
When the group stays with Herschel
Or after the next commercial
Camp’s intruded, and he’ll die
First he’ll tell his sob story
It will be sure to bore me
When he’s done digging all of those graves
Jim and Shane get into a snit
And we find out Jim was bit

It won’t be long ‘til he’s dead
It won’t be long ‘til he’s dead

Well, then there’s that blond Andrea, she’s the uppity chick
Who pulled out her gun and wanted to shoot Rick
Can’t wait for her death, since she’s such a huge tool
She’s got a little sis who’s real cute and cool
If she got bit it would be a sin
Oh no Amy, how can this happen?

It won’t be long ‘til she’s dead
It won’t be long ‘til she’s dead
She’ll get clawed up from the left
And then a bite from the right
They’ll rip flesh from her hips
She won’t put up a fight
Turn away in disgust
When zombies pull out her brain
It won’t be long ‘til she’s dead
It won’t be long ‘til she’s dead

Sleeveless Redneck

Daryl Dixon: Hey there’s my deer I
Shot him with my
Horton Scout crossbow
It got bit by a walker, so now
The meat’s bad
I’ve still got a bunch of squirrels, though
Why’d you guys beat, on the walker who
Helped himself to my venison
It’s got, to be the brain, put one in the head
Ain’t gonna tell all you dummies again
I’m just a sleeveless redneck
With a crossbow and, a bad attitude

Have you, guys seen my bro?
Where the hell did Merle go?
He’s a big fan of, squirrel flambé
Cookouts get, him really excited
No cops are invited
You sure look like you’ve got something to say

Rick Grimes: Man, this is so awkward, wow
Don’t get all mad now
But we left Merle back there in shackles

T-Dog: Right

Rick Grimes: He knocked T to the floor
Tried to start a race war
Now don’t go raising your hackles

Daryl Dixon: Well you left, my bro to die
Let me throw my
Bag full of, rodents and dive
At you with this huge knife
It’ll sure take your life
No, we both stay alive ‘til season five
I’m just a sleeveless redneck
With a crossbow and, a bad attitude
Hey Shane ease up on that choke
Dale: Choke
Daryl Dixon: That shit ain’t no joke
Andrea: Joke
Daryl Dixon: Don’t you forget, who the star of, this show is
Sure I’m not in the books
But I’ve got these good looks
We could all use the dough man don’t, blow this
I’m just a sleeveless redneck
With a crossbow and, a bad attitude
Hit it! Hit it!
I’m just a sleeveless redneck
All: Sleeveless redneck
Daryl Dixon: With a crossbow and
All: A bad attitude
Daryl Dixon: So let’s go back for Merle
While Shane watches your girl
I’m sure that he’s still on that rooftop with… both hands
If he’s not I’ll scream
Like some big drama queen
We’ll take the Chinese guy
Glenn: No, I’m… Korean

The C.D.C.

Load the truck, and then go back downtown
Rick gets his bag of guns
But Merle’s not around
Some gang captures Glenn
It turns out, they’re nice men
Their image- a ruse
They’re a nursing home crew
At camp they have a, fish fry
A big fire, that’s sure to catch a walker’s eye
A few folks will now die
They bury their dead
Then Carol
“Divorces” Ed

The group gets packed up, and heads out
In caravan mode
They break down and leave Jim on
The side of the road
They don’t kill him
Think he’ll be a vegan zombie?
Back in the R.V.
Off to the C.D.C.

When they get there, they knock hard
Looks like nobody’s home
But there’s a doctor inside
He’s all alone
He doesn’t want house guests
But they just will not leave
So he opens the doors
Finally
They’re in the C.D.C.

This Test Subject Was My Wife

C.D.C. seems to be a real nice place
Shane molests Lori, she fucks up his face
Jenner makes dinner, it comes out fine
Everyone gets drunk, even Carl has some wine
In the morning T-dog makes them some scrambled eggs
Everyone’s hung over and on shaky legs
Why is Jenner the only scientist that they’ve seen
How’d he get a gun in an M.R.I. machine?

This Test Subject Was My Wife
Let’s all blow up now- fuck this life
(This gets repeated like seven times and then there’s a sax solo)

The group sits and waits for the building to blow
They think there’s no way out there’s something they don’t know
Carol pulls a grenade and out the window they go
Dale makes Andrea leave. Why? Hell, man how should I know
They run and get back in the R.V. again
Obeying traffic laws like the world didn’t end
They don’t mind leaving Jacqui back there with her new friend
Let’s head to Herschel’s Whoo! Just around the next bend

This Test Subject Was My Wife
Let’s all blow up now- fuck this life
(This gets repeated like three times now, then there’s another sax solo, then repeated again like fourteen times)

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