How to Speak Zombie- A Guide for the Living

Social Satire at its very best. How to Speak Zombie- A Guide for the Living by Steve Mockus (Illustrated by Travis Millard) is a zombie guide with a difference. This book takes a humorous approach to the zombie apocalypse and instead of advising on strategic survival plans and modes of combat, focuses on zombie-human interaction.

How to Speak Zombie is an interactive guide with a numbered sound module, each button eliciting a sound corresponding to a different social situation. The hardcover book of 12 cardboard pages has the appearance of being a book for children, but this gore filled novelty is exclusively for adults. Covering a range of situations, from shopping at the mall and working out at gym, to frolicking on the beach. The numbered sound module ensures the reader learns the correct pronunciation of the correlating zombie words.

The dual intention of the book is to teach the living how to best survive undetected in a zombie infested world through the means of communication, and serves as a guide, should you be turned, for easier integration into the zombie hoard.


This book combines a bit of social commentary with a bit of zombie humor.

coffee shop

My favourite lesson is “At the Coffee Shop.”

 “By ordering a complicated coffee beverage rather than a simple cup, you will present an air of experience and belonging, while also paying subtle respect to the talents of the zombarista.”



Which translates to:

Skinny double half-caf soy latte


The book consists of nine zombie phrases, with accompanying pronunciation on the sound module and one “go to” sound for when in doubt, “BBBBBrrrruuuAAAAAAAAIIIInnnnsZZZZZZ,” which translates, of course, as “Brains.”

This is quick read that you’ll find yourself returning to, mostly to entertain your friends and family with your zombie speaking skills.

I would recommend this as a gift for any zombie aficionado that enjoys some zombie humor, obviously we all know you should just shoot the walker in the head, no need for chitchat, but this is a light hearted read and the zombie sounds will definitely keep you entertained.

As a side note, if Zed from Police Academy ever finds himself in the position of having to deal with zombies, I don’t think he’ll have any problem; he could have recorded these sounds himself!

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